Couple with more than two decades between them say ‘age is a mindset’
A couple with a 21 year age gap say they hardly notice the two decades between them and it’s never been an issue in their relationship.
Alyssa Patmos, 30, and Geoff Kulesa, 51, met nine months ago in a park in Denver, Colorado, while Alyssa was walking to the supermarket.
“We initially passed by each other but I saw [Alyssa] a bit late. I smiled at her and she smiled back,” Geoff said.
Thinking little of it, Alyssa carried on to the supermarket to pick up some food. On the way back, with shopping bags in her hands, Geoff caught her eye again.
“I thought, ‘I should have talked to her’,” Geoff said. “On the way back, I saw her again and introduced myself.”
Alyssa, who had just moved to the city, was living in a temporary apartment while she had renovations done on a permanent flat.
“I’d just moved to Denver so I wasn’t even thinking about dating. But Geoff came up and asked to walk with me, and I thought that took a lot of courage,” she said.
With that, Geoff carried Alyssa’s bags and they walked together.
“She had a girl-next-door look but with a bit of an edge,” Geoff laughed, pointing out Alyssa’s nose ring and tattoo.
The pair hit it off immediately and left the park to go for a drink.
“I wanted to get into a meaningful conversation. Neither of us wanted to do small talk,” Geoff explained.
After their first impromptu date was a huge success, Geoff was excited to see Alyssa again. But it wasn’t quite plain sailing.
“I hoped she wanted to see me again, but she put me off for a while and said she was ‘busy’,” Geoff joked.
“I was actually busy!” Alyssa insisted, explaining she was setting up a masterclass in Denver and was working long hours.
But as soon as the masterclass was over, the pair finally had their second date. From then on, they saw each other all the time.
Despite the 21 years between them, Geoff and Alyssa say they barely notice an age difference.
“I don’t remember when I found out Geoff’s age but it didn’t bother me. I’d dated guys who were 10 years older than me before. I know 21 is a bigger gap but it wasn’t an issue,” Alyssa said.
Geoff agreed, adding he’d also dated younger women before.
“The only time it’s ever been an issue is when we stop and think about it. My kids are closer to Alyssa’s age than I am,” he said.
Geoff has a son aged 22 and twin boys aged 20 from a previous relationship – but they’re perfectly accepting of the relationship.
Alyssa’s parents, too, have no issues with the age gap between them.
“We didn’t feel the need to keep it from anyone because we’re both open books,” Alyssa said.
However, the couple, who have been together for nine months, have had some bumps in the road.
“We don’t get funny looks in the street, because Geoff really doesn’t look his age,” Alyssa said.
“But someone called me a ‘Sugar Baby’ once which I didn’t like at all,” Alyssa said.
She added she’s received some judgmental comments about what will happen when she and Geoff get older.
“People ask if I’m going to take care of him when he’s older. I think people live in fear of what the future’s going to look like.
“Women also don’t believe me when I say I don’t want kids. A lot of people ask, ‘Oh, is Geoff going to want kids?’ but I don’t want children and people don’t seem to believe me when I say that.”
Geoff said: “In general, people who question us say, ‘Alyssa can’t possibly be on your emotional level’, but she’s an old soul and she’s incredibly mature.”
But overall, the couple say most people are “pretty accepting” of their relationship and they’re still smitten with each other.
They officially moved in together a month ago, but claim they were spending every night together beforehand anyway.
“My new apartment was basically a storage unit,” Alyssa laughed.
As coronavirus restrictions ease, the pair are looking forward to being more spontaneous in their relationship, which is going from strength to strength.
Geoff said: “Age is just a mindset at the end of the day. We’re so compatible in so many ways, and I’m glad I didn’t limit myself in age. It’s hard enough to find a good match and if you set an age limit for yourself, you’re shutting off so many people.”